Many women feel overwhelmed at work.
In this podcast episode, we look at some reasons behind work overwhelm. These can include the fear of disappointing others, prioritizing other people's needs over your own, and striving for perfection. Unrealistic expectations from others and poor time and task management can also contribute to overwhelm.
We then emphasize the need to become aware of your overwhelm and take intentional steps to address it, providing you with practical solutions.
Addressing work overwhelm not only improves well-being but also enhances productivity and performance. We encourage you to take small steps towards finding balance and reducing overwhelm in your own life..
Disclaimer: This podcast, along with associated websites and social media materials, are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are that of Sara Garska and Kate Campion, and that of our guests, respectively. It is for informational purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for medical questions.
Many women feel overwhelmed at work.
In this podcast episode, we look at some reasons behind work overwhelm. These can include the fear of disappointing others, prioritizing other people's needs over your own, and striving for perfection. Unrealistic expectations from others and poor time and task management can also contribute to overwhelm.
We then emphasize the need to become aware of your overwhelm and take intentional steps to address it, providing you with practical solutions.
Addressing work overwhelm not only improves well-being but also enhances productivity and performance. We encourage you to take small steps towards finding balance and reducing overwhelm in your own life..
Disclaimer: This podcast, along with associated websites and social media materials, are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are that of Sara Garska and Kate Campion, and that of our guests, respectively. It is for informational purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for medical questions.
Kate: Welcome to the Midlife Spotlight podcast. I’m Kate Campion -
Sara: and I’m Sara Garska -
Kate: and we’re certified life coaches obsessed with helping you find joy in this next act of your life. Whether it’s reviving your midlife marriage, losing weight, or scratching that “what next” itch, we’re here to share our experience and expertise with you.
This podcast is a weekly dose of YOU time, where you get the tools and tricks to improve your health and happiness. Talking to you is so much fun, so thanks for tuning in. Let’s get started.
Kate: Hello, and welcome to Midlife Spotlight, the show that helps you enjoy your next act. I'm Kate Campion.
Sara: And I'm Sara Garska.
Kate: And in today's episode, we'll be talking about work overwhelm. Sara.
Sara: All right. Yeah. I'm really excited to talk about this today because it seems like it's really coming up in my work. I went to a conference last week and it was a big topic with the entrepreneurs there. It seems like everyone's overwhelmed at work these days.So I want you and I to dig a little bit more into it and have a really great discussion around it and in the end, give women some ways to start to lessen their overwhelm.
And I'm sure we'll be revisiting it more as the months go by.
. All right. So like I said, I am seeing a lot of work overwhelm with women these days. So what I'm seeing is they're having trouble stopping at the end of the day. Like they're going beyond whatever their normal hours are. And I'm also seeing that they're not taking breaks. And then the third thing is when they get home, it's really hard to relax. So I’m just curious, you know, are you seeing that with other women?
Kate: Yeah, that especially when I was teaching, know, the first thig when you said about not taking breaks. In my life as a teacher, I would get to work often about 20 to 7 in the morning, you know, half past six. And I would actually work through the entire day. I only stopped to just like, grab some food and take it back to my desk because I wanted to try and manage my workload enough so that I could actually leave school at a decent hour and get home. You know, we used to see like people complaining about not being able to eat, not being able to even go to the toilet. You know, was one thing as a teacher because you just don't have that freedom and flexibility to look after your own self. And all those things can really add up and make it seem very overwhelming.
Sara: Yeah, absolutely. And a lot of this is so one of the things that we'll get to maybe, we will, but is, I think a lot of it, yeah, so jobs are stressful and there's a lot of expectations on women. But what I'm also discovering is that there are things under our control that we can start to adjust, when we start believing that this is a problem, like chronic stress, and walking around feeling overwhelmed and not being able to relax even when you get home, that's not good for your health.
Kate: No.
Sara: What does this look like? Okay. So we throw around this word, overwhelm. But it actually looks like certain behaviors on the part of women. And so one of the things that we've talked about already is they're not taking time for themselves. Like, I like to eat. And so it amazed me how many women do not take time to eat lunch. They'll just let meetings come in, people stop by their office, and they'll get to the end of the day and they won't have eaten. So, one is they don't take time to take care of themselves. Like get up and move any of those things.
Also, then when they get home, they're still not present with their family or their partners because their mind is still at work with what they haven't done. And then the third thing is they're using food and alcohol to relax after work because it's so hard to shut the brain down. They're having to use a lot of times food or wine to just really just even relax at all. And so, and they know that this isn't feeling good, but they don't know what to do. And because they're so tired and overwhelmed, they don't even have time to figure out a solution for it. It just keeps getting worse. And when you were talking about your teaching experience, there's this other piece to it that, one of the reasons they keep pushing, pushing, pushing is because there's this idea like if I do enough today, if I get it all done, maybe tomorrow will not be as bad.
Kate: But it always is.
Sara: Yes, that tomorrow never comes. Yes. Here's the other thing. women that work this hard, everyone they work with knows it. Everybody comes to them. I hear that so many times. Yeah, I’m the person people come to. I’m the person. So they'll be doing their job and also helping other people do their job. So that's what I see a lot.
Kate: Yeah, for sure. And so why does it actually happen, do you think?
Sara: Well, I think it's a combination of three things. And so the number one thing I hear is they don't want to disappoint other people. Huge. so like when I said other people come to them. For solutions or with questions, they don’t want to tell somebody no. They don't want to disappoint another person. And so they will take on more work so that they don't have to feel the discomfort of disappointing somebody or letting someone down. I just hear that over and over. So I know that's a thing. mean, and I can kind of get it when even if we're tired and somebody comes to us, it's almost like there's this, almost a compulsion. I have to help. I have to help. Someone's asked me. I think that ties in with an episode that we have already recorded about that idea of it's selfish, if we tell somebody no. Women just don't like to say no. And so that's the first thing. And then the other thing is, Just that idea of putting other people's needs above our own.
Kate: Yeah.
Sara: And, you know, so what I see is, okay, this person needs this from me. Even though I'm exhausted and I'm already working a couple hours later than I should, I'm still going to do that thing because that's important to that person.
Kate: Yeah.
Sara: And then let's see. Oh, here's another fun one. It's like striving to be perfect. Right. know, just this idea like there's a, if I just do enough, you know, I'll do it perfectly. And we, we just don't want to do B plus work. It's like I want to do a A plus work. And, you know, sometimes some things can be not a plus and they'll still be fine.
Kate: Totally. Yeah, so I was thinking about that as well and some other things that I've seen crop up when people feel overwhelmed at work. And sometimes that can also be about other people's expectations. So, the things that you mention are very much internal things, know, that like you said, not wanting to disappoint other people, putting their needs in front of your own, you know, that sense of like, I must do my best work because this reflects me in some way. The other thing I've seen is definitely people's expectations of you. So they might have what we might think are quite unrealistic expectations in regards to getting back in contact and how fast that contact might look like.
And the other things I thought about were just not having a really good sense of time management and task management, which is something that we can talk about in another episode. But it's like one of my favorite things in the world to talk about is how to manage your time and tasks more effectively.
Sara: Awesome.I look forward to that. I'm sure you'll have some things I can use too. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a good point that will be... Part of it is time, there's time management. But what's interesting is these are women that are very high functioning, have high level jobs, they're very productive. And, and so what I see, and I know it's not everybody, but I've worked enough that when somebody is kind of a known workhorse, like everybody starts putting things on them. It's almost like the better you are, the better you are at your job, the more other people start looking to you.
And it could be at any level. I, when I was a community college advisor, so I would work with people kind of starting out in their careers, or if they were still a college student, they might have work in retail or a restaurant. And it always seemed, if they were good at their job, they showed up on time, they did that, they were honest, they did their job. They would get more and more work, like someone called in sick. That's my student would be who got called. And it still was that like, I don't want to let anyone down. And so you see it at all levels. And so part of it is so when we get to the solutions part of the solution is being willing to let someone down, which doesn't feel good.
Kate: Okay. So if that's a situation then how do you actually start dealing with those things?
Sara: Well, the first thing I believe is to start being aware and to start creating intention.
So, a lot of times when I start working with so just a little background and context, a lot of women come to me to for help losing weight, because, and so, because they're overwhelmed, they don't have energy to make the changes that they want to make, which are, you know, be. Like, planning your meals, go into the grocery store, starting to make your meals. And when you're working 10 to 15 hours a day, doesn't leave a lot of time for that. And so the first thing is just beginning to have this awareness, like, Oh, I have this life that's work life that's so busy. I don't have time to take care of myself. And the very first thing is no one believes that they can change that. They believe like, Oh, well, this is what I have to do.I have to show up at this level. Yeah, I see you nodding in your head.
But here's the interesting thing is when I start saying like, well, could put off losing weight until you're retired, you know, if you're not going to have time. And then that starts, you know, they're like, Oh, wait a minute.No, I don't want to wait.
I'll, you know, so I'll ask a woman who has no lunch breaks on her schedule never has time for them. I'll be like, is that what your boss requires that you're not allowed to have a lunch? And they're always like, no, of course not. They want me to take a lunch. And so one of the very first things have women do is start putting their breaks on their calendar.
Kate: Yeah.
Sara: Yeah. Their work calendar. Yeah. It's like, and if they have trouble doing it and they have an assistant, I'm like, I want your assistant to take charge of your calendar around this where nothing is scheduled during your lunch. That you have some breaks in there and you have a planned quitting. And so the first place is just really start looking at your work life and where you can put some breathing space into it. And because all our schedules are on, know, everyone has shared schedules. I don't know if I'm using the right words, but um. And so where people are people can put meetings on and things. And so I tell them it's really important to block off time. Like, where nobody can come in and schedule it. And you know, if you have an assistant that they don't schedule anything. Yeah. And then when they have a little breathing space, that's when they can start finding more breathing space. So the first thing is, you know, planning for your meals, planning for a break, planning your quitting time and then honoring your commitment with yourself.
Kate: Yeah.
Sara: And then something that we've kind of talked about is just believing that your life matters. mean, it seems in some way so simple. Like, for us to actually have to believe their own life matters, our own health matters. no, like, I don't know where, well, I'm not going all into it, you know. But we come from a society, especially here in the US. It's like you just work, work, work. We're really rewarded for being productive, to working hard. It's all like faster, harder, get more done. How is it for you over in New Zealand?
Kate: When you were saying that, yeah, I was thinking it's that whole sort of Protestant work ethic, isn't it? It's like, I must be productive. I must fill every second of the day with something. If I'm not doing that, then I'm not doing my job well enough. Those sort of things. And that's why I think I remember you saying on one of our previous episodes as well about woman who just feel like they've got to stuff something in every hour of the day. Yeah. You know, when do you know that it's time to actually rest right?
Sara: When you're exhausted. I had that come up again this week. It was just sort of like, it was a little different. was someone doing something around the house. But they did it like in the heat and everything until they were feeling sick. And it's like, so I know women like that's there when I feel like exhausted or sick or so tired, I can't do anything else. That's when I know to stop. And so that might be great for some things and you can do it for a period of time. But at some point, things start breaking. Like your body starts breaking. Your mind starts getting tired. And I think you just get this hopelessness. And that's why. I'm so grateful that women do come to me for weight loss because they believe that losing weight is what's going to change their life. It's like, no, maybe it will, taking care of this part, this overwhelm and creating some balance between your work life and your home life, that's what's going to really, really matter.
Kate: Yeah, for sure.
Sara: Yeah, and so one of the things, and I've touched on it, to help with the overwhelm is you really have to commit to yourself. And a way I like to tell women is you have to be your own best boss. Like right now, right now, with a lot of them there being terrible bosses to themselves, they're like, you know, yeah, let's do a 12-hour day today. Yeah. know, and it's like, no, you're actual real boss, I'm sure likes the benefit to some extent, but nobody is really wanting a woman to kill themselves.
Kate: No
Sara: At their job. But we are, but we are. And so that idea that you're important, you're worthy, separate from what you're doing at your job, that's something that you have to create inside first.
Kate: Mm.
Sara: it usually takes a few weeks for a woman to start making these changes, like, because it's just such a foreign concept, like, wait a minute, put myself first, take breaks, eat lunch, get home, exhausted, so I have time to cook dinner, and so I can be present with my husband. Like, it's just so foreign.
Kate: Mm. I'm thinking about, as you're saying that, it's almost like you have to get really clear on why it is that the quality of your life matters and that kind of ties right back to this, know, who do I want to be in this world and what are the things that are important to me and making those decisions around your scheduling and around taking care of yourself all tied into that deeper thing because sometimes we're just so used to doing things because of other people's expectations of us or our roles within society we haven't actually really stopped to think about why does this matter to me that I take care of myself.
Sara: Yeah, and think you hit on something. It's almost like they're on autopilot. It's sort of like, you know, that analogy or metaphor with the frog in the water. It doesn't notice how, yeah, it doesn't notice it's boiling until it's too late. And I think that's kind of what happens. It's like, women do so much and they just keep doing more and more and more. And this is not saying men don't. But since this is aimed for women, that's what I work with. And then before they, at some point, that's their life is... You want to have a nice life, want to be able to afford things, but you also want to spend time with your family and the people you love, your friends. You want to have time to exercise. And those are the things that all kind of get pushed aside for later.
Kate: Yeah, definitely.
Sara: Yeah, later isn't necessarily going to come and you certainly don't want to get to retirement and having your body kind of broken down and dealing with all the things that come from not really taking care of yourself.
Kate: Yeah, thinking as you were saying that too, it's almost a bit like this, I'll wait till retirement mentality is also reflected in and I'll wait to the weekend mentality. You know, I'll just like work, work, work as much as I can and get all these things done. then in the weekend, I'll have my real life or I’ll work, work my whole life and then return. I had my real life, but you know, it's an awful lot of days that you're missing out on enjoying things, right?
Sara: It is. And I think it's like, it's okay to enjoy life. And I think a big segment of our women population have forgotten that it's okay to actually enjoy things. And the first place, and I may sound like a broken record over the course of the podcast, is that idea like you matter, your health matters, how you feel matters. I think women forget that. just like, I will do all this. I will take it all on. I'll feel miserable. But for what?
Kate: Yeah.
Sara: You know, in the final analysis, we do it because of how we want to feel at some point. We want to feel secure. We want to feel like we've done something. want to, you know, the practical things. We want to eat and pay for our housing. But when it becomes just, you can help me with the words because I'm, and know what I'm trying to say, it's sort of like we know these things we want, but then we just get so wrapped up in just doing the tasks of work.
Kate: Yeah, the hamster wheel.
Sara: Yes, yeah. Yeah. Just every day, get up, get up, get up. Or, you know, like trying to push that rock up to the top of the mountain. And, you know, you go up a little bit, you come back down. And I just would encourage everybody that's listening to right now just start to be aware. We're not saying you're going to, you're just, I promised you you are not going to go turn into a big slacker that doesn't show up to work on time and is cutting out. That's just not going to happen. You're not going to suddenly turn from over productive to lazy. That’s just not going to happen, All we’re suggesting is starting to work a little balance into your day. I'm going tell you what to expect when you do that.
Kate : Can we go back a little bit?
Sara: Absolutely.
Kate: Because you also mentioned about learning to feel uncomfortable with not managing, sorry, with not meeting other people's expectations. And I was thinking about that a lot as well, because again, in my job, there are a lot of other people's expectations on me. And so one of the steps I think as well is to think about like, what actually are those expectations and are they reasonable, as I mentioned before?
And again, to use teaching, one of the most challenging things about teaching was that parents expected an immediate response to their query about their child, regular regardless of the time of day, regardless of the day of the week. And I can't say that there are many other jobs when you're off the clock that you're still expected to reply instantly and if you don't, you get criticized or whatever for that.
So, you know, one of even just like the small strategies that I've, I used in that situation and also that I used in any situation that's a bit more complex where someone might be feeling quite emotional about a situation or have a sense of urgency about what what they’re doing,, is to always acknowledge what their expectations are, but then to frame them in the way that will work for me. A classic example that I had the other day with quite a difficult situation was to say, thank you for letting me know about this. I understand that this is a really challenging thing. This is actually quite complex. I need to go and discuss this with some key people. I will get back to you within X number of days.
And then I always, my little philosophy is, maybe it’s not the best philosophy for what we're saying is sort of under promise and over, I think is it under promise and over deliver? So like basically, I'll give myself, you know, say I'll get back to you within a week, but then my goal will be to do it faster than that. But if I don't, then I said a week. So that helps people feel as though their expectations have been heard and acknowledged, but they've also been hooked back to them in a way that's actually going to work for you.
And the other thing I thought about too was, you know, you talked about that sort of that need to be perfect and that need to keep on working on something. And one of the things for me is like, well, what does done look like? And so before you actually start something, if it's a project, maybe it's writing a report or something like that, like what is actually good enough for me and set that before you start? Because then when you reach that point, it's easy to say, well, I've hit that now. It's not like I've got, you know, I'm going to keep on revising or doing,doing a better job. And this is my list of things. It's like I said, I love that. I love dealing with work related issues. You know, the key thing I see all the time is people checking their phone for their work emails in some way and that is also just one of those things about not having enough boundaries and making choices your own self that make things worse because the amount of people that will check a work email after hours and then they'll get themselves worked up about what it says and what they're being asked to do. And that's just a hundred percent not necessary. When you are finished for the day, you're finished for the day, you don't check your work emails. In fact, I had a person email me the other day and they said, look, I'll be working on this at such and such a time, but I make sure not to send you an email after such and such. Don't worry about when you seemed it because I won't be checking it. You know,
Sara: I love that. Yeah, I had a situation like that with and it was with a client and it was something we had planned to do and she was worried about when she could send it and I said, Oh, don't worry about it. I turned my phone off at bedtime. I have found do not disturb when I'm working. You can send it anytime. And I love love love that, oh, under promise over deliver. And really to set people's expectations because and I think because the tendency is to like try to snap to things like, Oh, someone wants this, I need to do it. And I love that idea of pausing before you promise anything and thinking about like, Okay, how long do I think it'll take and giving yourself extra time so that you the person that's delivering something doesn't feel that stress and overwhelm.
Kate: Exactly. Yeah. And I think also the key part of that is not I'm going the email, whatever it is that you don't answer it in the first place. The key part is actually saying, thank you. I got this. I'm on it. This is when I'll be back to you.
Sara: Yeah, which is a nice way to even take care of those emails that you might accidentally see in the evening. We all check them because sometimes it's just good to know what's coming up the next day.
Kate: Yeah, for sure. And my final point on what you were saying that I was thinking about was a lot of that idea about perfectionism and so on is when we tie our identity into our work. And in the work that I do with midlife women, it's that their identity has been so dictated by the roles that they've had in their lives as a maybe a parent or as a worker. And it's like when that identity starts to not work for them, either because their children have left home or the work starts to become overwhelming, then it's no longer actually being fulfilling. And so it's actually about how do I cultivate an identity for myself outside of work. So I'm not just Sara the coach or Kate the coach. I'm actually also the gardener or you know whatever it is that Ichoose to be or the podcast or the podcast.
Sara: Exactly. Yeah, I love that that. And I do hear that come up quite a bit. This idea that my my worth and my identity is the job I do. And and and that takes time to separate out some because there is a little bit of truth to it. You know, we do get something out of the work we do. Like I feel really good about when I've done a good job. I mean, so that's part of it, but it can't be all that we are.And I think that's what you're saying.
Kate: It's like, yeah, and probably more a better example is when you're doing a job that you might not necessarily feel 100% aligned with versus a job. Like coaching, which actually is very. Thank much also. An energy giver to me.
Sara: Absolutely. Yeah. So I do love those tips and I encourage everyone to go back and re listen to those because those those are doable actionable things that you can do to start making things better right now. All right. And so as we've discussed like, you know, this idea of that one of the things that creates the overwhelm is the idea of not letting people down and the not disappointing them. And I think you really have to take a close look at what you're doing for whom. You know, a lot of I hear a lot of complaints about like so many meetings on a schedule. Do you need to be in 10 meetings a day? Like, and I can't answer that question. Only the person doing it can. But it's a place to start looking at like, do I really have to be on all of these? If someone comes to It says, hey, will you help me with this? Are they trying to get you to do their thinking for them? If that makes sense. t's like, sometimes people don't want to go figure out things themselves. And so it's so nice to go to the person that knows it all.
But all you're doing is teaching that person to not think for themselves. And so I would start with starting to look at like, what's really happening? What am I doing because I don't want to say no or disappoint someone? Versus, what is my job? what am I expected to do? And I have a great example. had one woman and she was really high up in her company. But she was spending all day doing things that weren't what she said weren't really her job. And so she was having to stay work longer hours to get everything done. And so as we worked on her schedule, and she started having more time to breathe, to eat, to just having some breathing space, she realized like, oh, there's these parts of my job. do love. Like there's parts I do love and I want more time to do them. And so this is really important. I'm glad I got it around to it is when you start taking care of yourself and your schedule, you do better work. You do the work that you were hired to do. You show up at a higher capacity without adding more hours. So this work of putting yourself first and not getting to overwhelm, will actually allow you to work at a higher level, that strategic, intelligent level that you're capable of instead of just continually just trying to keep up with the nonstop things coming at you because that's never that's always going to be there. And I've never met. No one will look out for you the way you can look out for yourself.
And you probably realize that other people aren't going be like, oh, that Kate, she looks like she's so overwhelmed and all these parents writing her or whatever. It's like, no, they're just going to be like, well, she's always smiling.She probably likes all this extra work and stuff.
And it's not necessarily true. so the first place is we have to kind of take charge of our own work life and start looking for those solutions. And then the second part is then, as you do that, the idea is when you go home because you have more peace at work and are less overwhelmed, the idea is when you go home, you can enjoy your home life more. And the people that are there. So that is my case for not just accepting overwhelm as something you can't change.
Kate: Like a default position.
Sara: Yeah, I think that's the bottom line. It's like, I know you might not believe it as you're hearing it, but it really does have to start with you. And so if any of this resonates with you, I really encourage you to listen to it again. And to find one thing that you can start doing differently this week and just give yourself a little breathing space and see what happens.
Kate: Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If you loved what you heard, you can leave a review so we know to keep more of it coming. You can also visit our website at midlifespotlight.com and learn a little bit more about us. We love connecting with you and can't wait to see you next week.