Midlife is a time when you may struggle with your weight. There’s new curves and lumpy bits. You eat a donut and gain 10 pounds. Your body feels like a stranger’s.
So you try this diet, then that diet - but none of them work.
In this podcast episode, we discuss why diets are NOT a sustainable solution for weight loss. While they may lead to losing pounds, they’re frequently followed by weight regain, and are essentially punishment for being a certain size.
Now that doesn’t mean you can’t lose weight in midlife. You can, by following these tips around
and thinking about
Weight loss is possible without resorting to diets. You can develop a positive relationship with food and yourself while nourishing your amazing body.
Disclaimer: This podcast, along with associated websites and social media materials, are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are that of Sara Garska and Kate Campion, and that of our guests, respectively. It is for informational purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for medical questions.
Midlife is a time when you may struggle with your weight. There’s new curves and lumpy bits. You eat a donut and gain 10 pounds. Your body feels like a stranger’s.
So you try this diet, then that diet - but none of them work.
In this podcast episode, we discuss why diets are NOT a sustainable solution for weight loss. While they may lead to losing pounds, they’re frequently followed by weight regain, and are essentially punishment for being a certain size.
Now that doesn’t mean you can’t lose weight in midlife. You can, by following these tips around
and thinking about
Weight loss is possible without resorting to diets. You can develop a positive relationship with food and yourself while nourishing your amazing body.
Disclaimer: This podcast, along with associated websites and social media materials, are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are that of Sara Garska and Kate Campion, and that of our guests, respectively. It is for informational purposes only. Please consult your healthcare professional for medical questions.
Kate: Welcome to the Midlife Spotlight podcast. I’m Kate Campion -
Sara: and I’m Sara Garska -
Kate: and we’re certified life coaches obsessed with helping you find joy in this next act of your life. Whether it’s reviving your midlife marriage, losing weight, or scratching that “what next” itch, we’re here to share our experience and expertise with you.
This podcast is a weekly dose of YOU time, where you get the tools and tricks to improve your health and happiness. Talking to you is so much fun, so thanks for tuning in. Let’s get started.
Kate: Hello and welcome to Midlife Spotlight, the show that helps you enjoy your next act. I'm Kate Campion.
Sara: And I'm Sara Garska.
Kate: And in today's episode, we'll discuss why a diet is not a solution. Sarah.
Sara: All right. This is a topic I am so passionate about. Everyone that knows me in real life, or even on my blog everywhere.
It's like, I hate diets.
Um, and so my background is, um, so I was a normal weight kid and everything, and, but I didn't know that when I was a teenager.
So I went on my first diet when I was still a teenager. And throughout college, um, my twenties, thirties, I was always trying to diet or exercise weight off.
I never felt comfortable in my body and always thought I had to do something about it. And when I look back on pictures, I was not overweight.
That's the sad part. Like I didn't even enjoy the body I had back then. And so the last diet I went on was my mid forties.
Um, I lost a lot of weight and, but then I gained it all back. And at that point, I was like, I'm not counting any more calories.
I'm not counting any more points. I'm not counting anything. I'm going to just learn to eat and nourish my body.
And so I, you know, so I was like a size 14 for 10 years till I was in my early 50s and it wasn't till that point and I just assumed, I was like you can't lose weight.
Like I believed that I believed it was a fact that once you were certain weight after a certain age you would never be able to lose it.
And so that's where I was in my early 50s. So I'm going to pause here just to see what your experience has been like.
Kate: Well, I'm having to laugh because I think that I'm very much at 49 exactly where you are saying you were in your early 50s.
So I never dieted in my teens. I was actually always really happy with my body and how it looked until I think it was probably about my early 40s and then changes with perimenopause, even changes in a relationship.
Like I used to joke, I was like I can't lose weight but then I actually looked at the fact that we were eating chocolate and and chips and lots of soda like every every Saturday night and wondering why I wasn't losing weight.
But that aside you know I really did have that sense that it was impossible for me and when I got married to my husband, um I also remember on that day feeling like feeling too fat and letting that feeling of being too fat actually cloud my enjoyment of the day because I didn't like how I looked.
And like you said now I look back and the irony is - and this is where our New Zealand versus American uh weight systems will get in the way - but I was 10 kilos less than I am now. I think that's about 25 pounds - yeah something like that - and and then probably for the last 10 years I also had that struggle of becoming in a love hate relationship with my body um particularly around food and about how I looked.
And for me, one of the things about me as I am a cancer survivor, I had cancer when I was in my early 30s.
And I actually really strongly believe that a hate for our bodies is a really negative thing and can actually, and this is, this is, I don't know, if this is backed up in any scientific thinking, but it's just my own belief that a hatred of our bodies cannot be good for us, right?
And because I want to be healthy and I actually want to live a long life, it's actually really important to me that I learn to love my body regardless of what number is on the scale.
Sara: Absolutely. And one of the things that we know that at this point in time, there's so much obesity, there's so much disease that are what they call lifestyle related because, and they usually mean what we eat.
And so we do know that what we put into our bodies does affect our health. And so, but here's the problem.
When people have something, and I'm not talking about your situation yet, because I'm going to circle back to the idea of hating our bodies, because, oh my God, that is a thing.
But what happens is, if someone goes to a doctor, no matter what is going on with their body, if they're above a certain weight, the doctor will be like, you need to lose weight.
It's just across the board. And it's not always true. We can be different sizes and be healthy. To some extent, some sizes are an aesthetic. We just think it looks better. But it is so much in our minds that you have to look at a certain way to be healthy.
If you put somebody that was very thin, very muscular, got out and, I mean, he's running. But, you know, someone that runs 20 miles a weekend, they're considered healthy.
And somebody that maybe does less exercise, has a little bigger body.
People look at them like they're not healthy. And that's just not true. Our body size does not indicate our health. And there's so many research that says like 20% of the people that are obese are metabolically healthy.
And I know it's hard to believe, but here's the thing. Because we're talking diets today. That diets are not the solution.
And I believe diets have done more harm than anything. And the one number I see over and over in different places is that diets, they don't work.
I mean, you can lose weight. They work in that respect. So let's say you, you know, like if someone's like eating lots of junk food and going out for fast food, drinking sodas, whatever, and you stop doing that, you're probably going to see a result on the scale.
But most diets are restrictive in nature. You're eating less than you want. You are depriving yourself. And at some point, it's just not sustainable.
And so what happens, as I found out, when the diet, when I got to my goal weight, looked great, had just bought some little jeans, it's like that weight just starts creeping back up.
And then I'd be worse off. And I made that decision consciously, I would rather be this size than go through that cycle again.
And so I was there for 10 years. And then after my divorce, I did lose weight. And so I went from a size 14 to a size 8.
And it wasn't hard. I wasn't dieting. And I had to like start then I had to do it backwards. I had to like, what happened?
And so that's how my blog was born. I started talking about like, I wasn't trying to teach people. I was just like, hey, I want to give you hope.
I don't know exactly why, how, but it is possible to lose weight. And so in that. Gosh, in that eight years since, I've pretty much figured it out now that I've worked with enough women. But women still think a diet is the answer.
And it's like they had this diet experience one time in their life or a couple of times where they lost the weight and they just hang on to that.
Like yes, if I could just get back there. If I could just lose that weight, I'll be happy. And for whatever reason, there comes a time when it just doesn't work anymore.
And that's where they come to me. And so I'm going to come back to that like what women talk to themselves.
Like because you had said, and so that's where I wanted to come back to, is what you had said about hating your body isn't the answer.
It's like, but we think it is. Because I think it's that idea like if we just talk mean to or mean enough to ourselves, like be stern enough because we use things like that.
Okay, today, today. Today we're going to do it. Today's going to be the day. And it's you know what day that is, Monday.
Kate: Yes. First of the month. Yeah.
Sara: January 1st. That's going to be the day. But hating ourselves just never is the answer. And you know, and I don't know, like, you know, like you said, you know, you have a belief that maybe that contributed to your diagnosis.
And I do believe because sometimes when, the work I do, when I talk to women, you know, I connect their thoughts to their feelings.
And so when a woman, when I say, you know, like I say, check in with your body when you're telling yourself, like yours, these are actual things people have told me I am too ugly and fat for people to see me.
And when they check in with their body, there's a really bad sensation in there. Like they might have a burning in their chest.
They might have a choking feeling. And I say, do you want to walk around with that sensation? It's like, because it cannot be good for you.
Kate: No, it can't. I'm so connecting to what you're saying because, yeah, those exact same feelings in the part of the body and it's like the throat and the chest and it's like the feeling of like, I don't know, not being able to, not being able to speak, not being able to show yourself to the world because you feel this negative way.
Sara: Yeah, and where it gets really painful is when you think as a woman, you're only solution to your problem is a diet and you can't stick to a diet.
You just don't have any hope.
Kate: No, and I don't know if you're going to be talking about this later, but it's the other thing that came up for me when you talked about on this day, I'll start this.
And when that doesn't happen, you then put all those feelings of, I'm so hopeless, I'm such a failure. You know, I deserve to, I deserve to look this way, I deserve to be unhappy.
And yeah, it's just such a negative, horrible cycle of scarcity and lack - the same thing, but you know what I mean.
Sara: Yeah, well, when you said failure, it's like when you fail day in, day out, because women often tell me like, yeah, I wake up, I do great in the morning, breakfast, lunch, and then it's like the wheels come off the cart.
It's like they're like, I don't know what happened. And so part of what happens is, you know, women that have this cycle of depriving themselves, and that's what I call it, because here's the thing about diets.
Here's the thing about diets that pisses me off, is they're basically punishment. They are punishment for being a certain size.
Like, I'm sorry, like, just because you're a certain size or the scale says you're a certain weight, Why does that mean you have to eat rice cakes and cottage cheese or there's something wrong with you? It's like, so women have bought into this idea, they're not allowed to eat. And I'm not kidding on that. They do not believe that they should be eating food that they like.
It's always food is good and bad and diet. That's diet, diet, culture, good food, bad food. You eat more than 1200 calories. You're bad.
You're not losing two pounds a week.You're not doing it right.
Sara: And that's not how our bodies work. Our bodies. When you think about it, okay, when you think about what it's like, we're humans and up until just the last couple generations, humans have not always had enough food.
Like what kept like the reason you and I are here is we had ancerstors that were not thin, skinny. Our ancestors had some fat on them.
So that they could survive different things. So when they got sick, they had enough weight. My dad, when I was two years old, my dad was in an industrial accident.
It's not a funny thing.
It's funny that I can't say the word.
But anyway, he had severe burns. And he was in the hospital for four months. And the only reason that he survived all that was because he started out overweight.
He ended up, he's six foot two. He was six foot two. But he got down to about 130 pounds.
So my mom said he was just skin and bones. She's like, if he had started out not being a little overweight, he might not have made it.
So our bodies are meant for survival. They are not meant to lose weight. And so the idea of dieting is almost brand new, you know, in our evolution.
So I haven't done the research on this because it just really occurred to me like, we're literally not meant to lose weight.
Like when we put ourselves on a diet, we are fighting against what we're supposed to do, what our bodies want to do.
Yeah. And I don't want to take away hope from everyone because you can lose weight. Yeah. So we got to that part.
Kate: I know what you're saying. It's sort of about like there's a set point where our bodies feel very comfortable and they like to be at that set point because that is telling them that's what they need to survive versus yeah, you're starving and the reason you're starving is because there's no food and so you're going to die.
Oh my goodness. I must eat.
Sara: I must eat. I must eat. Yeah. And I just think it's just not natural for our bodies to want to lose weight.
So but yeah, it's funny. Someone asked me about the set point this week and I think it is. I think it's more like our bodies are designed to have equilibrium.
Yeah, you know, not because when you think about it, even they really won't gain weight usually all that fast.
When we start gaining, it's usually fairly gradual. So our bodies really like to be kind of in their sweet spot.
And so when I'm bashing diets, because I just hate them, because even the ones that talk about being, like basically they have a plan.
It's like eat less. It's mostly calorie oriented. Some of the more modern ones, like keto and stuff, it works with carbohydrates.
But even that, sometimes I'll see keto diets like with only 20 grams of carbohydrates. I'm just like, carbohydrates are nutrients.
We actually need a few more than that. And so what I prefer, is where I'm going with all this.
There's a better way than dieting.
Sara: Because dieting just doesn't work. It's not sustainable. No matter how much you think it's going to, it's just not.
And so what I teach women to do is, Eat like you're, like, eat like you're allowed to eat You're nodding you like yeah, my clients are always like I don't hear I see your mouth moving I hear words coming out of it, but it's not making any sense.
How can I how can I eat what I want and lose weight?
Kate: Mmm. How can you?
Sara: I'm gonna tell you you know and it's and it's really different from out for every woman And so the broad paintbrush thing of it is the things that I've seen be successful, and so on my blog there are no secrets about this like I tell everyone what I see work with, other women, what has worked with me and so in general it's you eat meals. You eat.
I do lunch and dinner and a small like morning something, and and and no snacking no snacking and then after dinner you don't eat until your first meal of the day and I usually wait -I'm not like a hardcore faster, but I do think our bodies really need that 12 hours between our last meal to the next meal.
And if you're not hungry, you can extend that to 13, 14, 15 hours. And then when you're hungry, you actually eat.
And then you eat enough at breakfast to get you to lunch. And then you eat enough at lunch to get you to dinner.
And then at that point, we deal with all the other stuff. That's where the coaching comes in.
Kate: Right. Yeah.
Sara: I don't know. Do you have something have? I'm trying to think, you know, so some of my clients have come into this with like maybe every night they eat popcorn and chocolate.
They know it's not helping them, but it's like, I can't seem to quit.I just need it.
And so we look at like, what are you hungry? So if they're hungry, then it's like eat more at dinner.
Eat more at dinner. If they're not hungry, it's like, what, what is it you do want? And then we start looking at the other pieces.
Because I would say seven times out of 10, it's this is how I cope with my life. I need food to cope with my life.
You know, some people use alcohol, some people use other things, but a lot of women use sugar, I'm gonna say, especially sugar to cope with their lives.
And that's why diets don't work as well. Because it doesn't. If you take away someone's coping, comfort thing, what do they have left?
Kate: Yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking it's a little bit like, you know, when you have a craving for something, yeah, what is the underlying craving actually for?
Is it to feel good. And so sometimes the sugar is to feel good because it does, I mean, we're all victims of like, the way food has been engineered over time, right?
And so food is often... constructed, well, if they can even call it food, is constructed in such a way that it will make you feel really good when you eat it.
The combination of things will be so tasty. And so, yeah, you take away that joy and that might be, sadly, that might be what the joy in that woman's life is, is having that sweet treat.
And then you make it even worse because you just take away even enough food to survive, right?
Sara: Exactly. And that, so our brains do three things. I mean, they do a lot of things, but they want pleasure, they want to avoid pain, and they want to do it very efficiently.
And so, this is why sometimes women are like, I don't even know how it happened. One minute, I'm fine, next minute, I'm, you know, I'm in a bowl of ice cream.
It's because the minute, because we were talking about those body sensations, like when you start feeling bad, your brain is just like, I know what to do, I know what to do, go get that ice cream.
We're going to feel better real fast, but we don't even know it's happening. It's just, kind of that unconscious part is like shut down the pain.
Yeah, and sugar is so and sugar foods are so concentrated. And that's what you were alluding to, like they those foods are manufactured to make us crave them and override our hunger. Like so for me, like I'm not, I don't have the sweet, I don't have sweet tooth.
But oh my gosh, I do love chips and things like Doritos and stuff like remember Lays you can't eat just one - they were proud of it. Yeah, but those foods are designed in laboratories and like you I don't call - they're not foods per se. They're products.
I but they do we want to eat more even when we're not hungry and so sometimes knowledge is power and so that's part of the education is like yeah, you're not lazy. It's not that you don't have willpower. It's that you are trying to one, you know, you are human with a body that actually needs to eat, but you've been told you're not allowed to actually eat enough of a meal to be full.
And then you're faced with all these food choices that are designed to make you overeat.
Kate: So true.
Sara: And I don't know if you've had that. So when I had a like regular job where I went in, like I would eat my breakfast and then I'd be hungry an hour later and I'd have gone through my snacks and lunch by 10 a.m.
Because those foods make you hungry for more. It's like it's never ending. And then in the afternoon, then I'd be looking for a Snickers bar or a bag of chips to get me through the afternoon.
So that was how I coped with my workday. Food. Get tired, eat, get bored, eat, get stressed, eat. And so that's why the mindset work is so important.
And having that compassion for ourselves like yeah. It has nothing to do with our willpower or being lazy.
And another thing I just want to point out is when I say women think it's a failing on their part, I think part of it's because we've been told like a diet is easy because how many times?
Okay. So I like TikTok, you know, I do like, but I follow a lot of plus size creators and because for me, I just want to be accepting of all body types, not just think there's one kind of body type that's right.
But what I've noticed there, because, because they pointed out like people say the meanest things to them.
Sara: Just because of their body size. People feel so comfortable saying, why don't you just go on a diet? Like, how about go to the gym?
It's so mean out there. And so no wonder women feel so much shame about their weight and everything. It's because people do say mean things because people are just like, there's something wrong with you if you can't quit.
They just assume women are just like shoveling food in their mouth because, you know, they're lazy or something. I'm thinking like it's even like, you know, people call it one of the deadly sins that, you know, overeat gluttony.
Like we've even made it a sin. And, and you know, it's not. It's so much more complex than that.
And, and that's really if there's one thing a woman or anybody listening to this is, it's so much more complex than just eat less.
A diet is not the answer. And so what I want to leave you with is a few things like to get started.
So one, because I don't think any of these things are going to cause you to gain weight. So one thing, almost all women I know, they don't eat enough at their meals.
They just are not eating enough. Half a cup of cereal and some milk is not a meal. When I think of a meal, I think of protein, healthy fats, vegetables, fruit, people can add nuts, some people have grains.
But you have an actual meal, a meal that's going to really feel good, it's food you like, and you're not going to get hungry until your next meal.
And I know it sounds crazy that I have to give, not just give women permission to eat, but you need to eat or this isn't going to work.
And so that's the first piece, is to actually eat food you like at your meals. And to think of nourishing yourself as opposed to, I need to cut things out.
My first step with everybody is, like most of the time they need to eat more. Like you need to eat more.
Then, if you're eating a lot of processed foods, I'm like, let's eat less of those, because we can safely eliminate almost every processed food and start looking for more natural sources of food.
I'm a meat eater, not everyone is. So I eat meat, I eat any kind of fat there is that's considered fairly natural and try to get a lot of vegetables in and some fruit.
And that is what I make the bulk. And then I still have some fun foods. I've been known to eat a Dorito or 50.
Kate: Can’t stop at just one.
Sara: And then the final thing is, and I think we are so afraid of hunger, but hunger is actually a good thing.
And so sometimes when I'm working with women, they don't actually know what hunger feels like. I mean, they know the bad kind like, hangry.
But when you eat a meal, let's say you eat your breakfast, and then... and four hours later, you're not feeling hungry yet, but you give it another hour.
And then you start feeling hungry. And that's when it's time to start thinking about that next meal, when you feel hungry.
Because here's a really cool tip. When you start, don't eat until you're hungry, you know when you're full. That's what your body is designed to do.
Hunger lets you know it's time to eat. And then when you're full, it's time to stop. But if we're eating around the clock and snacks every hour, we never get hungry.
So we never know when we've had enough. And so if you could, just as a starting point, start eating meals, but wait to eat your meal till you actually feel a little bit hungry, not hangry, not miserable, not ravenous, just feel comfortably hungry, eat and then stop when you feel satisfied.
That's gonna do more for you than any diet ever will, to get started. So anyways. So anyway, just to recap, like a diet is never going to be your solution for your weight problem and it can actually cause more problems.
I do. I think it's just, it causes just way more problems. And so I just want you to know, you deserve to eat food you like.
You deserve to eat enough food that you're not hungry and not feel bad about it. Okay? So that's all I've got for today.
Kate: Love those tips. Thanks, Sara.
Sara: Oh, you're welcome.
Kate: Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If you loved what you heard, you can leave a review so we know to keep more of it coming. You can also visit our website at midlifespotlight.com and learn a little bit more about us. We love connecting with you and can't wait to see you next week.